I've already started practicing dirty looks in the mirror.īut what if I have a stroke or something and I can't move my arms or my face? How does a guy like Stephen Hawking flip people off? He can't even shoot somebody a raspberry. So I know that even if my body becomes nothing more than a pedestal for my animated head, I'll still be able to give the finger in my own unorthodox but equally effective and satisfying way.

The more crippled up your body is, the more you rely on your face. They've mastered a variety of dirty looks that make it unmistakably clear to the intended target that they have just been flipped off, cripple style. I derive hope from crippled role models who can't move their arms but still flip people off with facial expressions. I've just about lost the ability to physically flip the bird, especially in winter, when my hands are cold and it's harder to move my fingers. Thank God I'm not a literal person, or that dark moment would almost be upon me. On those occasions in life when the only appropriate response is to flip someone or something off, if I had to bottle all that up inside I would probably explode. I like to express my emotions and if I couldn't express that particular emotion I don't think I could bear it. You can pull the plug on me if it gets to the point where I can no longer give the finger. It takes a little of the spontaneity out of life, but it ain't worth dying over.īut I've come to realize I also have my limits. I haven't wiped my own ass since about 1972, but I always figured out a way to get it done.

Hell, some people say if they can't play tennis they don't want to live.

Some people say that if they become crippled to the point where they can't wipe their own ass, they no longer want to live.

Guy with middle finger drawing